Forgiveness: It’s your choice and something you do for yourself

Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie

July 2024 copyright

I was recently asked by someone, “Kathleen, what encouragement and advice do you wish you had learned when you were younger?”

I repiled: “Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving; forgiveness is a choice. Choose to forgive, ask God to heal and change your heart, and remember, forgiveness is something you do for yourself.”

A young version of me would frequently say, “I will forgive when I feel like it.”

I’ve always wanted to be real and true to myself, and somehow, I felt like if I did not really feel like forgiving, it would not be genuine. Most of the time, I did not feel like it, because I was still hurt or offended and not willing to let go of the offense.

Years ago, someone I trusted really hurt and betrayed me. What made matters worse, they were someone in a leadership position. This offense rocked my world and shook my faith. The pain was deep, and I wondered how I would move forward in my life.

To be betrayed by people we trust is difficult but not impossible.

Finally, I prayed a prayer that forever changed my life: “God, I don’t feel like forgiving, but I choose as an act of my will to forgive, please change and heal my heart.”

It was not a one-time prayer; I think I prayed that prayer more than 100 times to keep my heart right.

Forgiveness is the power to heal wounds of the past it cannot change. Forgiveness and healing of the heart are a process.

I felt like a huge weight was lifted from me after the first time I prayed that prayer and a frequent prayer I pray to keep my heart right.

What I discovered in that situation was that if I simply obeyed God’s word and chose to forgive, because he admonishes us to do so, it was God’s job to change my heart, and that brought great freedom into my life.

Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) states, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins.”

Let me emphasize the word “if.” God gives us a choice. We all have bad days, make mistakes and need forgiveness. If we want forgiveness when we mess up, we must be willing to forgive others.

This world is full of imperfect people, and I am one of them. But I’ve discovered there are people who carry around offenses and hold onto them like a dear possession. Unforgiveness keeps us in bondage.

I don’t like to make mistakes, but I do, and I’m sure I have offended people in my life unintentionally. All of us mess up, and forgiving ourselves and others brings great freedom.

I wasted many years in my life carrying the baggage of unforgiveness around. Unforgiveness weighs us down, puts a scowl on our face and robs us of peace and an abundant life. Unforgiveness keeps us stirred up, wastes time and energy.

We forgive because the Bible says it is good for us.

We forgive because we want our own pain to end, and we want to be free.

We forgive because we can’t change the past or other people, and we want to move forward and live an abundant life.

If your heart has been broken by someone, do yourself a favor — choose to forgive.

Psalms 147:3 (NIV) promises, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Our nation just celebrated our independence that brought us great freedom. Do yourself a favor, set yourself free and be someone that is quick to forgive.

Kathleen Maxwell is a native of the Hill Country, a writer and speaker. You can contact her at [email protected]. For more information, articles, her podcast or to purchase her book, “Thriving Through Seasons of Grief,” visit her website at www.kathleenmaxwellrambie.com